Well, here we go again. After another 6 month blog hiatus, I have some time and a few thoughts this morning. Actually, I don’t have the time because I’m looking at a 12 bullet to-do list that I’m sure is missing about 42 other tasks. Some of them I’ve put off for a few days, so what’s another half hour going to do?
I woke up this morning at about 5:20, just because. My alarm was set for 6:30 so I thought I’d make the most of the next hour by opening my window for some fresh air and going back to sleep. That didn’t work. My mind was instantly occupied with thoughts of the to-do list, work, bills, etc. Should I get up and work-out? Did I buy coffee yesterday? Why was Chandler Bing in my dream last night?
I grabbed my phone by 6, turned off my alarm, put in my earbuds, found a meditation in my Insight App, pulled down my eye mask and took a very deep breath. It was one of those breaths that feels like you keep breathing in but you just can’t catch it and it almost scares you. (You know what I mean, right???) I caught it, and then settled in to a new mediation that I had never tried before.
**Side note – I’m not trying to sound cool or totally zen, by any means. I do, however, try really hard to take some time (even two minutes if that’s all I can) and listen to a guided meditation on most mornings. I’ve actually been pretty consistent for the past year, after trying to make a habit of it for quite some time. It’s not always easy, and sometimes I just can’t get into it, but when I do it’s incredible. Like, really good.
An hour later, as little bluebirds were pulling my comforter off of me and joining me in song, I got out of bed and danced into the kitchen.
Coffee in hand, I turned on the Today Show to see if Oprah had confirmed that she would be running for President in 2020. Nothing yet. As the show went on, there was a story about author Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who died last year of ovarian cancer. Her daughter was discussing the children’s book, Dear Girl, that she and her mother co-authored together before she passed away. They also mentioned the letter Amy wrote that was published in The New York Times right before her death, “You May Want to Marry My Husband.” I remember the story and I read the letter again this morning.
Damnit, Today. Something on this show chokes me up every single morning, whether it’s good or sad. After reading the NY Times post I went to Facebook to re-read another letter I saw a friend share last night. It was written by a 27 year old woman who recently lost her battle with bone cancer. The letter included life advice she wanted to share and the thoughts she had knowing she didn’t have much time left.
OhMyGod. In tears, I thought about how scary it must be to know you are dying. To know you don’t have much time to share with people you love. To not know what day will be your last. To realize what REALLY is important and what is so ridiculously trivial. To think of time wasted. To regret not doing things you really wanted to do or not say the things you wanted to say. OMG.
I honestly sat there and thought, “What would I do or share if I knew I was dying?” This is not profound you guys, and you probably know what I’m going to say, but I really did answer myself. I AM dying. We all are. Duh. What the fuck.
We all know death is inevitable, but Holly said it right, “it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.” We don’t talk about it because it’s an awful morbid thought. It’s hard. It’s scary. We know what it’s like to lose people and we don’t want that pain.
Maybe nobody wants to talk about how we will die at some point, but we should definitely live like it. Gary Vaynerchuk screams it all the time! He’s always yelling about wasting time and worrying about dumb shit and waiting to do things you love and want to do. I LOVE GARY V. I love his rants, his attitude and the amount of times he can drop an F bomb in one sentence.
I also just read “UnF*ck Yourself” by Gary John Bishop and it was SO good. It’s about DOING and LIVING. Getting out of your own head and changing the way you think about things. Why do we need reminders to do this???
I’m grateful for these reminders. My heart breaks daily for stories like those above, but I’m so glad they were brave and strong, and honest. The motivation to appreciate every moment, drop the bullshit and pursue your passions is very strong and coming from everywhere. I’m still on my meditation high (with a little extra perspective) and I just spent an extra two hours googling, writing and watching a few YouTube videos (to make sure I was right about which fairytale I was living earlier). Sorry, Cinderella. I love you and I love that song and will always remember your story. But in reality, dreams and wishes will stay only in our hearts unless we take action. Or find glass slippers, of course.