Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with emotion that you just have no idea which one you feel? That’s me, right now. I can honestly say that a lot of the time I really think I just feel numb because I don’t know what’s what. Sometimes I have to ask myself, shouldn’t I feel sad right now? Shouldn’t I be angry and address that? Shouldn’t I be happy about this and enjoy the ride? Welcome to the mind of an overthinker. Quite frankly, the only thing I ever really seem to feel is anxiety! WTF?!
Since I’ve started this blog, I have touched on several different subjects and mentioned several different emotions I’ve had over the past few months. That’s kind of the point of this whole thing. It’s my outlet. It’s my way of documenting my experiences, good and bad. Especially during this transition period and with so much going on. My goal is definitely to keep it light, but also honest, because it’s real. I love that I’m not afraid to talk about (or even mock) my obsession with sunglasses one minute and then maybe my broken heart the next. Because that’s my life.
Anyway, today was weird.
I woke up and wanted to be angry at the hole in my ceiling and plastic bins on my floor that have been there for 8 weeks. I wanted to scream at the thought of my HOA making no effort to fix the outside problem, even though I am still reaching out and asking for answers. Instead of kicking those buckets and bursting out with emotion I did nothing. I walked out so I wouldn’t have to see it.
I spent the morning in complete silence. I NEVER do that. I always have music on when I’m home and especially when I’m getting ready. How could I have spent that much time alone with my thoughts?
I left my house with an entire list of things to do, but couldn’t decide what to do first. Instead of checking off my list, I drove around aimlessly. Weird, because I love check-lists. They make me feel productive.
I spent the afternoon with a dear friend in the hospital. He couldn’t really speak to me, and that was very hard for us both, I’m sure. I just wanted to be there with him. We watched Wendy Williams and some other ridiculous show I can’t remember the name of. Lot’s of hot topics, and I’m pretty certain he will someday thank me for changing the channel from that awful History channel show about old metal wagons that the nurses had on. Seriously.
Then I came home to a UPS package. Opened it. It was my purse. THE PURSE. The purse that was stolen/lost/picked up by mistake in Paris. I can not believe after two months of so much back and forth with the French cab driver denying he had it, I had it back. That damn driver finally returned it to the hotel! It had everything in it except my cash, which I kind of expected. Even though those credit cards were cancelled and I had a new passport, it didn’t matter. It was all here, safely in my possession. Thank goodness I hadn’t gone to the DMV yet. Drivers license back! Who ever thought this would happen?
I sat down and wanted to cry. Like, really hard. But I felt too tired.
At least tired is a feeling!