Thinking Out Loud

Someone told me the other day that when it comes to romantic relationships it seems I don’t know what I want…just what I don’t want.  I’ve been thinking a lot about that since then.  I honestly think he could be right, but trying to really understand it and figure it all out has had me a little perplexed.  So what do I not want??  Does that even make sense?  Is that a totally fucked up way of thinking?  If I had to explain my thoughts on love, relationships and feelings, I’d completely stumble over my own words.  I’d sound like a total head case.  OMG, am I a total head case???  No no no, surely not.

I could go a million different directions with this post.  I could talk about why I think I am the way I am.  I could talk about how I choose not to think about that kind of stuff because I don’t have time and I’m happy and excited about my life right now.  I could even talk about how I’m scared to admit that yeah, I want to be “in love” but I’m also scared to settle down because, holy shit…maybe I don’t know what I want??

The funny thing is, I know of so many things that I do want.  I could write a list right now that would totally contradict me saying I don’t know what I want.  But, I still feel like there would be a big question mark at the end.  Are you confused yet?  Me too.  I hate that.

What I don’t hate is this video that my friend Lindsey shared with me on Facebook yesterday.   I’ve watched it about forty-five times and I can’t even explain how stuff like this makes me feel.  It makes me smile and cry at the same time while I’m covered in chills.  You can’t argue that this blend of two of my favorite songs isn’t absolutely incredible.  I think anyone would agree that these guys are clearly talented and they’ve done a beautiful job.  But for me, this is like every minute of my mind.   The back and forth from hopeful and excited to guarded and unsure is totally me.  And it only took this four minute and four second video to help me admit that.

Here you go…